It’s been nearly six months since I last wrote. I can’t believe it’s been so long. I can’t believe how much time has passed and how much has happened. So much has happened, so fast, that I’ve felt a little like I’ve been a spectator of my own life. Or maybe this is what it feels like in the eye of a storm – like life is whirling madly around you and you’re simultaneously at the centre of it but outside of it all too.
Where do I even begin?
Sitting down to write this post has made me really emotional. I’ve been wondering, constantly, what I needed to do to make the confusion and dizziness of the past five months go away and now I’m here, writing, I’ve realised it’s this. I’ve realised how important this space is for me. How important it became to my sense of self and how I go about understanding myself, and how the way I articulate myself here and shape my thoughts here has become one of the most therapeutic outlets in my life.
I feel relieved and really, really, reassured that this space means so much. I never wanted it to be a place where I’d be trying to present myself a certain way or pretending to be something I’m not or branding myself and becoming just another entity for people to consume. I just wanted it to be a healthy space where I could genuinely be myself – more specifically, a space where I could map out what that means.
So, here’s a brief overview of what’s happened. I finished my Master’s. I wrote my dissertation in a week and loved every minute of it and got an incredible grade for it that I’m incredibly proud of. I got a Distinction. I found my first, proper, adult job and started the day after I handed in my dissertation. I’m moving out of my parent’s house and into my first, proper, adult flat in London. I’m starting a magazine, slowly but surely. I still have the same incredible friends (and a few new ones). I have him, too.
It’s probably been the busiest, craziest, luckiest five months of my life. I can’t believe how fast it’s all happened and I wish I’d sat down sooner to write about it all – but I got swept away and forgot to take some time to pause and celebrate. I’m still frantically trying to catch up and this is only the first step. I’ll be writing more, soon, to try and piece it all together. It will take time.